I recently typed our home address into Google Maps, so I could check the distance to a place of business. As the image of our house came into view, I was shocked to see myself standing under the big mulberry tree in our front yard, looking down at my phone.
If I had known the Google camera car was going to drive by that day, I would have put on something nicer than my exercise clothes. And our poor tree looks so barren. It’s covered with big, beautiful green leaves, now that spring is here. Too bad they couldn’t have waited a couple of months to come by, and have given me a heads up to put on a pretty dress. But even if we weren’t looking our best, it’s still kind of cool.
Do you ever feel like you’re living in the Twilight Zone, or am I the only one? Please feel free to share your weirder life moments in the comments below. Laughter is good medicine for trauma survivors! 😀
Twenty years ago today, I had a very vivid dream. I dreamed that a loud voice from heaven was telling me: “Guard your heart above all that you guard. Guard your heart above all that you guard.”
I awoke from my dream and looked around the motel room where I was staying at the time. What a strange dream, I thought. Guard your heart above all that you guard . . . isn’t that in the Bible somewhere?
After pulling my newly purchased Amplified Classic Bible out of my suitcase, I started thumbing through the book of Proverbs. There it was, Proverbs 4, verse 23:
Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.
Those words almost seemed to jump off the page and hit me right between the eyes. I did not want to forget this moment, so I grabbed a pen off the bedside table and wrote the date in my Bible, next to that verse. The date was April 24, 2003. As I was writing the date, a silly thought occurred to me: “Today is 4/24, but the verse is 4:23. It would have been better if I’d had this dream yesterday.” Then I laughed at my silliness. But I haven’t forgotten this precious Bible verse, or the date, in all these twenty years.
Yesterday morning, something very hurtful happened to me in the blog world, which caused me to make my blog private. Today, as I recall the anniversary of my dream about the importance of guarding my heart, I have decided to make my blog public again. Only this time, I have changed my blog’s name. Instead of ‘A Blog About Healing From PTSD,’ which is the name I have been blogging under for the past 7 years, I am now calling this: A Blog About Surviving Trauma.
Why the name change? Simply because I am not an expert on healing from PTSD, which is short for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am not a therapist, and I don’t have a lot of education. I am only a retired LPN, not an RN, as a fellow blogger — a former RN — pointed out to me yesterday. And I also don’t think that my PTSD has been completely cured. Before the covid-19 pandemic and my husband’s long, hard months of cancer treatments turned our lives upside down, I thought my Post Traumatic Stress was all behind me. But I don’t think that way anymore. Now, I am occasionally triggered by old trauma memories. Like the trauma of rejection, which happened to me yesterday from a long-time blogger friend, who told me in a phone text that she was done with me.
So yeah, I am not an expert who can help you overcome your PTSD issues, if that’s why you have been following my blog. I honestly did not mean to give this impression, and I’m deeply sorry if that is what people thought! I am just a fellow sufferer and a fellow survivor, an imperfect, fallible human being, finding my way through this crazy life, the same as you.
Most of all, I am a Christian, and my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ has seen me through so much! And once again, I am reminded that I must guard my heart above all that I guard — for out of it flow the springs of life. ❤
Today is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. Thank You, Lord Jesus, for saving my soul. Please teach us how to guard our hearts, and help us to value the life that You have given us, even in times of uncertainty and sorrow. In Jesus Christ’s name I pray, Amen.